Bony Willy The Naked Viking
Content extract X
Whistling tunelessly the milkman ran up the steps of number 10 Church Crescent placed three pints of semi-skimmed on the doorstep and picked up five empties. Several heavy-duty swear words accompanied the sound of breaking bottles when he tripped on his way down.
Seconds later, with both arms outstretched like a small boy playing aeroplanes he stumbled along the path trying to regain his balance. Beads of perspiration broke on his forehead like a rash and a look of panic appeared in his eyes, when he realized that he was now on course for a cold early morning bath in what appeared to be an unusually large garden pond.
At the waters edge, he managed to halt his forward momentum. For several seconds he stood poised on tiptoe with his arms describing circles, then, he started to sway back and forth. Unable to resist the pull of gravity any longer he shook the two remaining empties from his fingers. They exploded at his feet, then, with a long sad sigh of resignation he raised his arms into a passable divers pose. Twin waves of displaced water and half-a-dozen goggle-eyed goldfish fountained into the air when he belly-flopped into the pond. His loud scream became a gurgle as his mouth filled with water. Then, he sank. A few seconds later, his head broke the surface wearing a rather becoming pondweed swimming cap.
He was going down for the fifth time, when he remembered that on his seventh birthday his father had bought him a large impressive looking swimming manual. His doting parent had also paid for a course of private swimming lessons. It had been during the course of those lessons that he had developed his fear of water, which was probably due to the fact that he was spending more time at the bottom of the pool than the top. Luckily when he started spouting water every time he opened his mouth to speak, his father realized that his offspring was never going to make it into the record books.
Seconds later, with both arms outstretched like a small boy playing aeroplanes he stumbled along the path trying to regain his balance. Beads of perspiration broke on his forehead like a rash and a look of panic appeared in his eyes, when he realized that he was now on course for a cold early morning bath in what appeared to be an unusually large garden pond.
At the waters edge, he managed to halt his forward momentum. For several seconds he stood poised on tiptoe with his arms describing circles, then, he started to sway back and forth. Unable to resist the pull of gravity any longer he shook the two remaining empties from his fingers. They exploded at his feet, then, with a long sad sigh of resignation he raised his arms into a passable divers pose. Twin waves of displaced water and half-a-dozen goggle-eyed goldfish fountained into the air when he belly-flopped into the pond. His loud scream became a gurgle as his mouth filled with water. Then, he sank. A few seconds later, his head broke the surface wearing a rather becoming pondweed swimming cap.
He was going down for the fifth time, when he remembered that on his seventh birthday his father had bought him a large impressive looking swimming manual. His doting parent had also paid for a course of private swimming lessons. It had been during the course of those lessons that he had developed his fear of water, which was probably due to the fact that he was spending more time at the bottom of the pool than the top. Luckily when he started spouting water every time he opened his mouth to speak, his father realized that his offspring was never going to make it into the record books.
Reference :
BK-238
Author:
Tomas Stone
For sale:
World wide
Dragon price:
£14.49
£8.49
Delivery cost UK:
£2.75
Delivery cost Europe:
£4.9
Delivery Rest of the world:
£8.1
Availability:
In stock now
ISBN:
9781849440066
Number of words (Approx):
100000
Short description
Set in the ancient town of Paxley. The story follows the humorous misadventures of male stripper Willy Fluck, after he accepts a booking to perform at Stanton Hospital.
Synopsis
Set in the ancient town of Paxley. The story follows the humorous misadventures of male stripper Willy Fluck, after he accepts a booking to perform at Stanton Hospital. Warned not to touch any of the experimental X-Ray equipment, he foolishly enters on of the units to put change into his Viking clothes. The results of his stupidity become transparently clear, when he becomes a walking, talking, glowing skeleton.
To make good his escape from the hospital, he is forced to steal a hearse with a corpse in a coffin in the back. With no way of knowing how long the effects of the X-rays are going to last Willy seeks refuge in an old abandoned mill, where he is befriended by three drunken tramps. Unfortunately, they only add to his problems. Full of compassion and cheap wine, they decide to bury him in the local cemetery.
Leaving his new found friends lying at the bottom of the grave they had intended for him, Willy decides to go home to his wife. To his relief his flesh returns before he gets there.
When the stolen hearse is found abandoned at St Luke's cemetery with an extra corpse in the coffin. Detective Segeant Gibbon and Detective Constable Sneed are sent to investigate. Before they are able to get their teeth into the case, they are informed that the Reverence Peter Cameron-Jones has been abducted from St. Luke's church.
When Gibbon and Sneed discover that another priest had disappeared frin tge sane church in similar circumstances a hundred years ago they decide to investigate strange happenings at the Devil's Folly which stands in the shadows of Paxley Grange.
To hide the fact that he keeps changing into a skeletonm often at inappropriate times. Willy buys a rubber head and a clown suit as a disguise. Things go from bad to worse for bony Willy, when his pregnant wife is kidnapped by crazy Angela Rossington and her gang of Satanists who intend to sacrifice her and her unborn child in an attempt to evoke and humanize the Devil.
To make good his escape from the hospital, he is forced to steal a hearse with a corpse in a coffin in the back. With no way of knowing how long the effects of the X-rays are going to last Willy seeks refuge in an old abandoned mill, where he is befriended by three drunken tramps. Unfortunately, they only add to his problems. Full of compassion and cheap wine, they decide to bury him in the local cemetery.
Leaving his new found friends lying at the bottom of the grave they had intended for him, Willy decides to go home to his wife. To his relief his flesh returns before he gets there.
When the stolen hearse is found abandoned at St Luke's cemetery with an extra corpse in the coffin. Detective Segeant Gibbon and Detective Constable Sneed are sent to investigate. Before they are able to get their teeth into the case, they are informed that the Reverence Peter Cameron-Jones has been abducted from St. Luke's church.
When Gibbon and Sneed discover that another priest had disappeared frin tge sane church in similar circumstances a hundred years ago they decide to investigate strange happenings at the Devil's Folly which stands in the shadows of Paxley Grange.
To hide the fact that he keeps changing into a skeletonm often at inappropriate times. Willy buys a rubber head and a clown suit as a disguise. Things go from bad to worse for bony Willy, when his pregnant wife is kidnapped by crazy Angela Rossington and her gang of Satanists who intend to sacrifice her and her unborn child in an attempt to evoke and humanize the Devil.
Recently viewed
